


Mr and Mrs Slimer

by Fair_Feather_Friend



Category: Extreme Ghostbusters (Cartoon), Ghostbusters - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gender Issues, Heteronormativity, Heterosexuality, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fair_Feather_Friend/pseuds/Fair_Feather_Friend
Summary: After eating a cursed artifact, for the first time in his existence Slimer contemplates what it means to be a man and decides that he needs to find himself a wife.





	Mr and Mrs Slimer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DoubtingRabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoubtingRabbit/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Heteronormies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14141244) by [DoubtingRabbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoubtingRabbit/pseuds/DoubtingRabbit). 



> Doubting Rabbit wrote the awesome The Heteronormies, a story about the Extreme Ghostbusters finding a magical artifact that forces heterosexual norms onto those who possess it. 
> 
> Knowing Doubting Rabbit's Extreme love of Slimer I decided to ask "what if Slimer got ahold of the artifact?" Because if there's anything the world needs it's more Slimer!

Slimer shouldn't have eaten the ring. Then again there were an awful lot of things that Slimer shouldn't have eaten but it still did. Regrets were more for all the things that weren't stuffed into the mouth as opposed to those that were. 

_His_ mouth.

For the first time in his existence Slimer contemplated what it meant to be a man. He was a man, wasn't he? That's what they always said, it was he-him-guy due to some sort of strange awareness that the Ghostbusters had about the nature of his being. Guys were gross, they liked eating, and so did Slimer. QED. 

But this left a dilemma. How could Slimer possible be a man without a wife? He was suddenly incomplete and not in the empty way before a meal (and really all times were meal times.) 

How could he declare his masculinity and heterosexuality without a woman. But what woman would be a match for him?

First he thought of StayPuft, that gorgeous huge lady with her pillowy curves. She was made of marshmallows and Slimer loved eating marshmallows. They both liked slime. Surely it was a match made in heaven? But he'd no idea where she was. 

Slimer did not dwell on this. Without the Candy Goddess around there was only one alternative! He could marry himself! It was the perfect solution and there would be no sharing of cake or the buffet. It would all be his. And his wife's. Who was also him. Her. Pronouns were so confusing. 

Slimer couldn't really say he'd spent a lot of time studying women and wives. Okay, he couldn't really say anything at all. But he knew where to find brides! 

Like a bull in a china shop, a ghost in a bridal store, and it was a whirlwind of flying dresses, and screams, and running, and nomnomnom cake samples which should have been bigger. A dress! A wig! A fancy hat! A veil! And there he was the most beautiful bride in the world. _She_ was. 

Only she needed to be both the groom and the bride. That was easy. Slime was slime! Splitting themselves in two... himself, herself, bride and groom, it was now time to get married in the best sort of heterosexual way! 

Soon they would be Slimer and Mrs Slimer! The perfect pair. 

And then they'd be eating for two.


End file.
